Ah, yes, now I remember why I don't date.

"No, no, no, you don't understand! I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!" Elaine Benes - Seinfeld

Men are idiots.

I forget that every now and again, so I stick my toes in the dating pool to test the water... the stagnant, fetid, scum-infested water ... and I realize why I haven't been bothering in the first place. Silly me to think things might have changed for the better.

That is not to say all men are useless. I was deluded by having made the acquaintance of several nice, respectable, intelligent, humorous guys (all of whom are married or otherwise unavailable, of course) and I thought, "well there have got to be more like them out there." HA! Maybe there are, but apparently they're not where I was looking. And/or they're not looking for me.

Please to explain: when did dating disappear? I either get the guys on a robotic wife-quest, or the ones who want you to come over right now and service them; the hell with meeting for even a drink first. I've barely even met you; I don't want to be your wife and I don't want to be your whore! Is that clear enough for you? Is it so much to ask that we meet for a drink, chat, and get to know each other before making any hasty decisions? What makes you so sure we'll even get along? If I can't have a conversation with you, I'm not bloody likely to want to fuck you. And I certainly don't want to fuck you RIGHT THIS MINUTE. That does not make me a prude, or frigid (ohmigawd - you're kidding, right?!?) ... I think that makes me rather normal ... rather sane, in fact. And if that's not sane, I'll happily be crazy.

I always thought my dating standards were rather lax:

• I don't usually get involved with committed relationships - they're "open" with the stipulation that if you find someone who becomes important to you, be man enough to let me know. (You'd think this would be an easy enough rule ... sigh.)
  

• I don't need to be with a guy all of the time, but when he's with me I want his attention. What he does when I'm not there is his business.

• I will treat a guy as well as he treats me, usually better, but if I get an inkling of being taken for granted, it turns off like a tap.

but even this much seems to be too much to ask nowadays. Well, you know what? Screw it - I don't have the patience.